9.20.18 | Someone

Alpha Ma ‘22,

China

Now we don’t even talk to each other.

I didn’t shut you out. Neither did you, I suppose. What just happened?

I still remember light glistens your hair mirroring diamond halo, raven waves storm in

the wind dancing to the tune of metropolitan fall, and your dress whitens and whitens

and whitens and eclipse the light and casts shadow on the stone cold marble floor and

your shadow forms a pond of shape in trigonometry too beautiful to integrate just like

you are each time I try to understand, I can’t understand. And now I hate

trigonometry.

I see your tell-tale eyes pouring everything and everything and everything more onto

the ground underneath me and when they finally catch my eyes they are empty, I love

reading the stories in your eyes but now I just can’t find them in yours... not any

more.

“See ya.”You turned around and disappeared into the crowd at this exact place where

we’ve waved our farewells for so many times I can’t even remember, where my

favorite color always eclipses the sunlight in the metropolitan fall.

It’s the last time we say farewell.

It was two weeks ago.

And now.

Now there is just me, myself alone, walking the path until I pass the exact place where

your raven hair used to wave and dance in the wind, when I turn my head around to

take a peek at your hair, it dissipates in a blink. I walk on.

Now we just say “Hi” each time we walk pass each other, and more often we just take

a detour so that we don’t have to do it for Christ sake “Hi”is the most insincere word

mankind has ever invented to repel your closest friends away.

Now I check my phone, see the messages and search the emails for I guess one

hundred times a day to see if you’ve contacted me and ask me to a movie to share a

cup of coffee to listen to our favorite songs to go shopping and buy tons of stuff to sit

down on the porch and chat and hang out till the night creeps in, like we used to do all

the time.

Nothing but a “read” under the letter I wrote fifteen days ago

You are fading.

Why? Why don’t you talk to me just talk with me come speak to me and I promise I

will take you to your favorite movies buy you tons of coffee in your favorite coffee

shop buy all the stuff you want and lie down on the porch of your house and chat until

4am in the morning and you start to drool in your sleep, I will wrap you in a blanket.

You know, you always know that I can’t just go and talk to you and send bunch of

messages telling you how much I miss the things we did together and how happy I

was when we were together, I just can’t, it’s the one thing about me I can’t understand

but you, you understand so well I know you do but why don’t you just talk to me just

talk with me come speak to me even just a simple “Let’s hang out sometime” or just a

fucking “Hi”will be so great.

Now you are just someone I used know.



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